so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
