We won't sleep together?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
