Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
