I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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