put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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