i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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