Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
