omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
