A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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