i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
