hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
