she woke up with a sticky ear
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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