I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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