Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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