small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
