brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
