If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
