remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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