Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
