No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
