decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
