You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You took a bar mat shot.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
