i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
