She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
this hospital has no fireball
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think my moral compass just broke
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
