So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
