i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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