i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
