I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was confusing and full of hummus
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
