The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
