I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
