Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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