Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
