they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
