i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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