I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
