No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
