I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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