I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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