We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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