Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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