this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
