i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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