Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
