Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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