she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
