I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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