If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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