I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
