I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
