He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is Oprah even human
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
