I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
