Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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