u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
