You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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