U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
