he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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