May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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