I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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