i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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