I just saw a hot homeless man
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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