If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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