She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
