Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
