i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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