my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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